Pet Bird Jokes
"Humor is reason gone mad." --Groucho Marx
Got a bird joke you'd like to share? Please, send it in. Make sure you leave your name so we can give credit where it's due.
One Liners
The Pigeons & the Mercedes
Nobody's Perfect
One Liners
What do you call a minor bird accident?
A feather bender.
Why did the duck go ring-ring?
He got a phone bill.
What did the little bird say to the big bird?
Peck on someone your own size.
What do you call a formal dance for ducks?
A fowl ball.
What kind of ducks rob banks?
Safe quackers.
Why was the duck unhappy?
His bill was in the mail.
Why did the pigeon need to get out?
He was cooped up at home all week.
Which bird does construction work?
The crane!
Which birds work underground?
Myna (miner) birds.
What kind of doctor treats a duck?
A quack doctor!
What kind of weather excites a pet duck?
Fowl weather, of course!
What holiday is strictly observed by all birds?
Feather's Day!
Where can birds play professional baseball?
In the mynah leagues!
What did the parrot say when she fell in love with the frog?
Polly wants a croaker!
How can you tell a miser from his pet canary?
One's a little cheap, but the other's a little cheeper.
What would you name a parrot made out of plastic?
Polly-Esther!
Who belongs to the P.T.A.?
Parrots and teachers!
How can you tell that birds like shopping at sales?
They're always saying "cheep-cheep".
Why did the duck put its head in the stream?
To liquidate its bill.
Why did the duck leave the stream?
It had more interest in the bank.
Which vacation spot will really make your pet bird sing for joy?
The Canary Islands!
What kind of fish can you find in a birdcage?
A perch!
The Pigeons & the Mercedes
Sitting on a branch overlooking the parking lot, the pigeons watched as a Mercedes pulled in below them. "What do you think?" one bird said to the other. "Should we put a deposit on that car?"
Nobody's Perfect!
While extolling the virtues of PETCRAFT to a pet shop owner in Manhattan, a short elderly woman burst into the store.
"I want to buy a canary, but it's got to be a good singer. I've got good, hard U.S. cash, but I'm only paying for a good singer."
The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small cage on a shelf about fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store. "Ma'am, I'm forty years in this business. In that cage is the best singer I've ever seen."
"Don't think I'm gonna feel obligated to pay for something I don't want just because you're climbing up a ladder like a monkey. I want a canary but it's got to be a good singer."
By this point the shop keeper was coming down from the ladder. "Ma'am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!" Placing the cage on the counter, the bird burst into melody after melody.
Awed the woman murmured, "Why it is a good singer." Suddenly in a shrill scream, "Hey, this bird's only got one leg."
The pet store owner was unperturbed, "Lady what do you want a singer or a dancer?"
